Hope
by Lydja-chan
Summary: Hope allows you to keep moving forward. It is the ray of light that pierces the darkness. It can vanquish the demons of fear and despair. It is a formidable weapon to those who can wield it. It was now April's weapon.


(A TMNT 2012 one-shot ~ I don't own them, duh)

Over the past month she had spent her time with many emotions, pain, guilt, fear, sadness and anger. The anger so great at times that she could feel it consuming her, changing and twisting her into someone new. She would have been content to stay in that ball of rage, allowing it to fester, except someone made her smile.  
It's really annoying when someone makes you happy when you want to stay mad. Yet she couldn't help herself, this Casey Jones had a strange effect on her. Though her life was a mess he skated right into the middle of it and took it all in stride. She supposed there was so much in his personality, ghosts of those whom she once loved that despite herself she had to smile. His sage advice was exactly what she needed to hear. It was a lightning of the load from her spirit, she had to smile and having smiled once it was all the easier to smile again.  
That's when hope returned. She had never before realized just how powerful a ray of hope could be. It was thin and small, like dagger of light she could use to cut away some of the darkness from her heart.

Some, but not all.

There were still so many loose ends, tendrils of fear and hatred ready to wrap themselves around her again. All the enemies that needed to be fought, all the justice that needed to be served. She tried but in the end she had to admit she wasn't yet strong enough to handle them all on her own.  
Then of course there was dad. In some ways it would have been better if the Kraang had killed him long ago. She could have mourned and moved on, mending her heart in a new life. She was glad he wasn't dead but that didn't mean this was an easier path. Now that he was mutated, his humanity stripped from him, he lived only a half-life and no matter what she couldn't forget him and move on. He had suffered so much, all to keep her safe. She knew that he could be reached, that Kirby O'Neil still existed inside that poor creature. That inner sense told her it was true and if only he hadn't run she could have helped him. No. If Donnie hadn't attacked him.  
Donnie. The white hot fury the mere thought of him brought with it a beacon of clarity. Though she hated him she knew that she needed him, well his intellect at least. Donatello was the key to restoring her father's humanity; though the challenges were immense she knew that he wouldn't stop trying. He was her greatest chance of bringing her dad back to her. It was his duty, his responsibility and she counted on his desperation to fulfill it.  
When she first called him in all honesty it was out of a healthy dose of fear. Those foot robots were beyond her and though she didn't like it, so was Karai. In the end she was glad that she had called for back-up. Despite her melancholy of the last month she just didn't have it in her to give up and allow herself to be captured. She was not going to be used by them anymore. Not by Karai, not by the Kraang, not by ANYONE.  
April stopped a moment to take a few cleansing breaths, she couldn't afford to let the anger overtake her. She wrinkled her nose a bit as the sewer stench filled her nostrils. _There's a smell I didn't miss._

Feeling calmer she moved on, traversing the tunnels and pondering her fate. It was not how she had anticipated herself to turn out. At one time she had merely wanted her father and her old life back. She knew better now. There was no going back; Shredder's vendetta and the designs of the Kraang were too intertwined around her.

A sharp mocking laugh escaped her throat. _THERE. WAS. NO. WAY. BACK._ In a moment of harsh clarity she saw the truth. This would not be some grand adventure to look back on fondly in her later years. There would be no college or marriage, children or grandchildren for her. The only possibilities left were a warped and twisted existence full of danger and evasion. This realization allowed the blackness to creep back into her heart. She would never grow up to be the girl she was once supposed to have been. This life she was being forced into was not who she really was and in her innermost soul she mourned the loss of that girl.

Ever since that first night when the Kraang took her she had been nothing but a pawn in a game she didn't know the rules to. She felt her heart turn cold in her chest. No more. It was her turn to play the game and she would set the rules. She was a kunoichi; deception was her cloak and lies her shield. She saw her path now and how to accomplish her goals. She snorted derisibly at herself. In a small way she should be grateful for all of her experience being a pawn. It had taught her oh so much. A small sad yet cruel smile curled her lips as she continued her slow walk to the lair. Though she hated her fellow kunoichi April had to admit that she now understood Karai's point of view better. A kunoichi had to use all the tools she had at her disposal. Even if those tools were living beings. It didn't matter as long as she was able to complete her mission.

April was kunoichi now, probably more than even Splinter had wanted her to become, and she had a mission. Her mission now was to find and restore her father. It was her duty, her very existence had brought all this turmoil, she owed it to him. That was not all though, for herself, no… for the girl she should have been, every single one of them would pay. The Kraang for stealing her life, Shredder for using her then throwing her to the Kraang, Karai for hunting her down and of course the Hamato family for not letting her live in peace. They all deserved her wrath, but she was far too intelligent to think that her justice for all of them would be meted out swiftly.

Her vengeance on the Hamato family could be saved for last. The sweet girl she had once been hoped that it would never really come to that but the kunoichi that stalked towards the abandoned subway station knew better. She needed them now as her tools of vengeance. Honor and duty bound them all to her and they were hers to use and deploy as needed. This family would cut down her enemies, enduring pain and hardship along the way and they would never know the joy that would fill her as each one of them suffered. In the end one by one they would all fall to her. Splinter was honing her into a weapon and when she was sharp enough she would cut him down. Leonardo used her and her family, leaving behind nothing but shattered dreams; she would become his family's nightmare. Raphael had failed to protect her and so she would tear down his every defense, exposing him to all he feared. Michelangelo, through his carefree innocence had caused tragedy to befall her and so she would strip him of his innocence, leaving behind an empty and jaded husk.

Donatello, sweet, deluded Donnie; he would be her greatest weapon. She would bind him to her so completely that he would be blind to her treachery. He would defend her from every attack, both from her enemies and his family. He would heed to her will no matter how many times she wounded him. Finally when the Hamato family was completely broken and he still stood by her side she would crush him under the enormous weight of the truth. Even if she didn't survive that day she would laugh as she drifted into the cosmic obyss, knowing that her mission was complete.

Perhaps, maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself, yet it felt so right in this new persona her hatred was giving birth too. For the moment she must focus on the tasks at hand. She needed to set up her pawns for the game, aligning them neatly on the board ready to be played. Hiding the malice in her eyes she entered the lair and greeted this family that had brought her so much pain. She spoke her hollow empty words of apology to them, smiled at them, laughed with them, honored their master and bound up their broken hearts with her presence.

Then she noticed her knight. For that is what he was, her valiant and foolish knight. He belonged to her, hers to command, she was his queen. She crossed the room and prepared to strike. A smile her sheath, her lips the hilt and a kiss her blade. She plunged her weapon into his heart and joy like a rose blossomed on his cheeks. She smiled as she withdrew amused at how easy it had all been. He was now bound to her with thorny vines and all he could see was the false budding of affection. With such a simple gesture the possibilities of the future bloomed in his mind. He thought that he had a chance, that he could make everything better. She let this dream pervade and poison his perception; it was all as she had planned.

For hope was her weapon.

**A/N: **Wait! Put the torches and pitch forks down! I promise you that I don't _really_ think that April is like this. In fact I am HUGE Apriltello fan. However my first reaction after seeing April give Donnie a peck on the cheek was "That's so mean of her." Cause you know that Donnie has only fallen even HARDER for her and with the Casey dynamic now in the picture the poor turtle has some pretty major competition. So that little nugget bloomed into a very jaded April in my head. She had to be written so she wouldn't take up residence in my brain. Its been a long time since I've posted a fanfic. Who knew turtles would bring me back.

Huge shout-outs to FatasiaWandering for the wonderful Falling universe that is my head canon and hotmilkytea for showing me that drabbles bring joy. ^_^*

(though not this particular one)


End file.
